These Phrases shared by My Father That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - taking a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."