Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading entertainers used the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys all he touches."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables international nationals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of a million dollars, or "platinum" option for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to wealthy immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings during economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.