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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {